Performance leads to Perfectionism – Guest post by Debbie Yoerg, Founder of Crowns for Christ Ministries


Chosen
Dear Friends, I have the honor of being this week’s guest writer for the P31 Chicks blog and I am so delighted!! The Founder of P31, Ashley Poptodorova, is a very dear friend of mine. She is a Crown’s for Christ speaker and I just love seeing how the Lord is using her through speaking and writing. She is a beautiful ray of sunshine who is showing God’s love through this page.

Ashley asked me to think about writing on “performance” and I thought that was a great topic to share on and one that I know personally.

As I ponder on my thoughts and reflect on my own testimony I am reminded of my feelings and old beliefs that I had concerning performing. I’ll share with you a bit about me, how performing affected my life, and the truth that God revealed that changed my thinking.

As a young teen completely in love, I learned early on, unknowingly, that to receive someone’s love there was a price to pay. I learned that love was conditional. The lie that I bought into was in order to feel loved, valued, accepted, worthy, good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. there would be a high cost to pay, which was, my self-esteem, my worth, and really my identity. Parts of me were lost and progressed over my life and into adulthood.

I became a chameleon and would adapt to whatever situation, circumstance, or surrounding I was in. This eventually threw me into a whirlwind of events that would cause me questioning what just happened, why did these things happen, and who am I, really? If we are performing to gain acceptance then really who are we? We are what everyone wants us to be!! This left me deeply confused and wondering where I belonged.

You see, performance is a trap that leads to perfectionism.
The expectations that others placed on me were high, but then my own expectations were even higher. Perfectionism had set in!!

Striving to be who others wanted me to be, striving to earn love and acceptance. Grasping for whatever I could to feel validated only to learn that false of love and acceptance is fleeting and left me feeling empty and alone. On top of that, the expectations I placed on myself added to the lies of feeling worthless.

Trying desperately to keep up with what others wanted of me, from me, and my own expectations lead me to anorexia, an eating disorder that had taken over my life. The grip was tight! The enemy had used all these lies to keep me in bondage to others and myself. I was in a place of total pain, hopelessness, and despair…. BUT GOD!!!

In the darkness of my heart I saw a flicker of hope that would lead me to the Lord. It is here that I learned the truth, God’s truth, which, is the ONLY person I had to please was the Lord. I had to learn that not everyone will like me, love me or accept me and that is ok. I had to feel the emotions that rose up within me and how to deal with them instead of ignoring them. I learned to tackle the desire to be a people pleaser, to perform, and to be perfect in situations that came up. I learned to walk away even feeling tempted to do what I could to pacify my own feelings… I had given in to those desires time and time again and they always resulted in me feeling hurt, angry, disappointed, and more than anything feeling very unworthy. The Lord taught me to trust Him in these circumstances, which lead me to heal physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Over the years the Lord has blessed me with a beautiful family and a man who loves me unconditionally. I have learned the Fathers love through my husband, Rich <3! I believe the negative things that we endure are for a purpose and the Lord will use for our good:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
(Romans 8:28)

The passion that Lord has placed in my heart is in women’s ministry because of my testimony. Crowns for Christ, Inc. was birthed from that passion.

Crowns For Christ, Inc. is a non-denominational organization of Spirit-filled Christian women who are called to minister with authenticity, compassion and purpose. Our gifted team of speakers, authors and worship leaders provide an atmosphere of warmth and love that will offer hope, transformation and empowerment to women of all ages.

Dear Friend, what the Lord does for one He does for others; He is not a respecter of person (Acts 10:34). The message here is that the Lord loves you so very much. He uniquely created you with a plan and a purpose in mind. Psalm 139:13-16~

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.
When we learn who we are in Christ everything changes!! Your perception changes… it is no longer about performing to gain acceptance, it is ALL about living a life that is pleasing to HIM. Let Him show you who you are, after all He designed you. Ask Him to bring to your heart ONLY the positive traits, gifts, and talents that you have within you and jot them down. Begin a list of only the positive and when the enemy tells you something different you can pull out the list that the Lord gave you and claim who you are in HIM. One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 2:9~

But YOU are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.
Remember,

We can do everything through Christ, who gives us strength. _ Philippians 4:13
Lay down performing, perfectionism, and people pleasing, at the feet of Jesus and BE FREE TO BE YOU!!

Who the Son sets free is free indeed!!
John 8:36

Discovering who you are in Christ is an ongoing journey… I pray you begin today! Be free to soar, my friend!! ❤
Written by Debbie Yoerg, Speaker and Founder of Crowns for Christ, Inc. http://www.Facebook.com/CrownsforChrist

 

 

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