What I learned from my poor decisions and why it’s cool not to give it all away.


Hello P31 Chicks!

This is a great day and I am so blessed to have another wonderful opportunity to share with you some of what God is putting on my heart! I am all about sharing and motivating P31 Chicks all over the world! It is time we start to speak about the things that are often “hushed” and avoided. With this being said, I am taking this opportunity to share with you some of the mistakes I have made in my life and what I learned from them. I am praying that you will be able to gain support, wisdom, knowledge and HOPE for whatever it is you are enduring right now in your life.

I want to make sure you know before reading this that you are NOT your mistakes and each moment in time provides an opportunity to begin again. I thank God for His grace, redeeming love and forgiveness which allowed me to turn all of the painful things in my life into good. God can turn ANY pain we endure into GREATNESS but we must always take 100% of the responsibility for the decisions we make.

Mothers Day is a very emotional day for me. It seems to get tougher with each year. I believe this is because the older (and more mature) I get, the closer I get to being able to be a Mother myself. Let me rephrase this, I am ALREADY a Mother. Some of you who are close to me may know this while others may not. 15 years ago on Feb 17th I gave birth to the most beautiful little baby girl. At 8 pounds, 9 oz. and 22 1/2 inches long she was the most beautiful perfect little person I had ever laid my eyes on. She stole my heart from the moment she entered the world and this precious little girl still steals my heart each day, though she does not know I exist.

At that time in my life I was running on adrenaline and surviving through each and every situation in my life. I knew when I found out I was pregnant that I had a tough choice to make. Everything in me wanted to keep this child yet, I knew deep in my heart that this was for selfish reasons. At the time I found out I was pregnant I was in Foster Care and as a result hid my pregnancy until I turned 18 years old.  At 18 you can age out of the system and be on your own. The day I turned 18 I had everything I owned packed into 2 garbage bags and I hit the road. I am thankful for the God appointments in my life at that time which led to me making the best decision for my Daughter but it was a long and very painful road.

Lets back track a bit, at 14 years old I was led to lose my Virginity. I wish at that time in my life I had the right mentors and conversation taking place that would prevent this but at 14 years old, I gave it all away to a boy who was 3 years my senior. I had no clue as to the pain that would come as a result of these poor decisions. At the time I was misled by someone close to me to believe that this was what you had to do to keep a “boy”. From that time in my life, I began to value sex less and less. It was something you did with boyfriends because they were your boyfriend. I looked at sex as just another “thing” you do.

I was put on birth control at 14 years old and the importance of “protection” was drilled into me as not to get pregnant but not the importance of abstaining from sex. Oh what a big difference this is. This,  P31 Chicks is why I share with you. You may or may not be hearing this important truth at home but I am sharing with you in hopes that my story will get you to rethink your decisions.

My first “real love” was the father of my daughter and I thought I had the whole world ahead of me. When I met him, my heart spun and intimacy consisted of being sexual. I never thought about the repercussions or pain that could be suffered as a result of being sexually active long before it was the right time for me. When I found out I was pregnant by him my whole world came crashing to a screeching halt. OMG!!!! What was I going to do!? I was still in Foster Care for goodness sake! How on Earth would I provide for this child? What was I going to do? I remember being so very scared. He was scared too. All of a sudden, the brutal reality was facing us both!

Questions flooded my mind like rushing waterfalls and at 17 years old my whole world started to spin out of control. All of a sudden I was left to face the REAL consequences of my decisions. Please do not misunderstand, though my heart aches and will probably ache until the day we meet again, I am blessed by my beautiful baby girl and know that because of her, God was able to touch my life and change the path I was taking in life. She will always be the GREATEST gift of my life. However, I faced heartache and deep pain because of the decision to be sexually active. I valued myself less and was left to make the most life altering decision not just for me but for my child. It was a heavy burden to bear at 17 years old.

Many things took place during that time in my life, but the ultimate decision was for me to give my beautiful baby girl up for adoption. I am blessed that God put the perfect people in my life at that time to make this happen and God gifted my baby girl with wonderful parents that would love her and give her the life she deserved.

The point to me telling you all of this is simply this: when we make decisions that go against what God teaches us, it can hurt us badly. I know that I am forgiven and chosen. God knew that I was going to make these life altering decisions before I even did. God will always love us and guide us through our poor decisions. We are blessed, redeemed and forgiven but we must still be left to face the outcomes of our decisions! I think many people want to blame God when these things happen instead of blaming their poor decisions. 

You have to take ownership for the decisions you are making in your life (or are about to make) and understand that at one point or another, you WILL suffer the consequence. It is not an “if” but a when.

Because I gave it all away at 14, I created soul ties with boys that would never be my husband. I endured a 9 month pregnancy having to go through each and every painful bit of birthing my beautiful baby girl only to have to hand her over to her new parents. My God, this was the HARDEST thing I will ever have to do and all because I made decisions in my life that were not the best. I married my amazing husband not having my Virginity to give him but instead, years of baggage, pain and emotional trauma that filtered into our marriage. It was only through intensive counseling with my Pastor at the time that I traced ALL of the issues in my life back to these crucial years when I was sexually active compiled with other abusive things I endured at the time.

So, if you ask me, it is pretty cool to save yourself. If you are a P31 Chick who is in her teens and considering being sexually active, I encourage you to rethink it! Realistically, this will not be the boy you will marry anyhow. Why give him all of the goodies without the proper commitment?!

Ladies, I don’t care if you are in your thirties or forties and never married or even divorced! It does not matter. It is NEVER too late to begin again. There is a reason that God asks us to save ourselves for our husbands.  Men, this goes for you too! Step up and be the man of God you’ve been called to be! Understand that your decisions will not just affect “girls” but you too! The Father of my daughter went through a flood of emotional pain and it was very tough on him too. These decisions do not limit themselves to women but they affect EVERYONE.

I thank God that He has taught me and HEALED me from the repercussions of my painful decisions and today, He has blessed me with an  AMAZING man of God. Alex and I faced our past together and had to endure the healing process together. We endured MANY struggles in our marriage early on that ALL stemmed from past decisions.

As a recap, here are some things to do in order to begin again. I am breaking this up for those who have not lost their virginity versus those who have.

For those who are saving themselves for marriage

1) Know that God loves you and chose you and your husband long before you may even meet him. Saving this special gift for marriage will prevent tremendous heartaches such as those I shared.

2) Pray to God every day to help you fight temptations and to keep you strong. Ask Him to guide you and build you up because temptations will ALWAYS come your way.

3) Remember, God lays things out simply for us to follow so that we can live life as He intended and following His principles helps us to avoid pain.

For those who desire a second chance (KUDOS TO YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING!)

1) Pray for forgiveness for all of the decisions you’ve made that were against Gods plans for you. Repent to Him and ask Him to help you abstain and wait for marriage.

2) Break soul ties by praying to God and asking Him to BREAK these. Say a prayer to God and name each person you created a bond with.

3) Ask God for His supernatural strength and guidance. He loves us and desires only the best! He will strengthen you and guide you.

4) Consider seeking the help of a Christian counselor to help you in navigating this. Sometimes, having a counselor or spiritual Mentor helps.

5) FORGIVE YOURSELF! We are called to forgive and this applies not only to those that hurt us but to forgiving ourselves as well! YOU are chosen  and there is a divine plan for your life! You can begin again and anew RIGHT NOW!

6) Just know that you are loved. No matter who you are or what you’ve done, God LOVES you. He desires wonderful things for you but it requires all of us to do our parts!

God bless you P31 Chicks! If you feel this can help someone you know or love, please share! Invite them to follow the blog! Share on your social networks and help us in spreading the word!






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